Adventures in the Land of Highlighted Heads

People from home (ppl other than my parents, i.e. my relatives) kept calling me to ask me how my diwali in the US was, and i kept telling them that i went to Uncle Sam's place to celebrate diwali.
And well they in typical indian tradition thought that Mr. Sam was my local gaurdian or something and that i called him "Uncle" just like we call any other grown up man in India.
Anyway so how was my diwali at Uncle Sam's place? Read on.....

The Stage: The Night before Diwali
The Place: An apartment of a friend of a friend

This being my first diwali away from home and quite obviously I was determined to celebrate it. Anyway one of my friends said that one of his friends had invited him to her place for a diwali dinner, obviously he goes there to get some bitti food (and btw the girl’s a good cook, so why not) (and no I’m not being chauvinistic here). Anyway he gets there and there are a couple of more people, and in perfect diwali tradition they decide to lit the oil lamps and place them near the doors, to welcome goddess Lakshmi into their homes, which is all fine. They then settle in to have a nice dinner, and are enjoying their meal [2]. Then suddenly…

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Manager here. Please open the door.

The door is opened, and standing outside is the apartment complex Manager.

Manager: Ma’am we received a complaint of a possible arson in this apartment complex and would like you to put out your oil burning fire.

Friend of Friend (FoF): But sir this is tradition in Indian culture on this day to place oil burning lamps in front of our house doors.

Manager: I’m sorry ma’am, but the state of Georgia specifically prohibits you from placing any fuel and fire near any flammable material such as these wooden walls.

FoF: Sir Can I place candles in that case, even you people do that on Christmas and Hanukkah right?

Manager: Ok, I guess candles are alright if you can keep them in a container of some sort to prevent them from accidentally tipping over.

1 hr later

Knock Knock
It’s the cops this time.

Cop: Ma'am we received a complaint of a possible arson here and would request you to put out your candles, since they are a fire hazard.

FoF: Ok Sigh!!!

Now anyway the lamps are out and the girl seems depressed, so her other friends are cheering her up. Now my friend who’s there is also trying to cheer her up and suddenly decided to buy crackers in order to do so. Now the nitwit knows that I’m a cracker aficionado and comes to me with the possible suggestion of buying crackers. I’m all game.

So that night, we hunt online and find a shop that sells crackers and then find out that the shop closest to Atlanta is actually in the neighbouring state of Alabama. So next day morning promptly at 8am we head for the shop. On the way I have a sneaky feeling that we probably may need a license or something to explode firecrackers, so I decide to call up the shop.

Me: Hi there, can you tell me if I need a license to use fireworks and explode them in Georgia.

Shopkeeper (Bill): Sir the Georgia fireworks law allows you to use Sparklers up to 100 grams each; fountains up to 200 grams total for multiple tube items or 75 grams for each individual tube; snakes, glow worms, snappers, party poppers but for Firecrackers, torpedoes, sky rockets, roman candles you will need a license. But you can go over to Florida if you want to burst crackers and rockets. [3]

I’m dejected that no rockets but still I’ll take the sparklers and the fountains.

Me: Ok then can I get the sparklers.

Bill: Sorry sir, it’s against the law to store sparklers so we don’t have them at our showroom here, but you can get them at our showroom in Alabama.

Me: So you are saying that you can use sparklers in Georgia but you can’t store them. So how on earth do you sell those if you have your store just across the border from GA?

Bill: No sir that is because people from Tennessee come here to buy the fireworks since it is illegal there to sell them or burst them.

Me: Ok if it is illegal to buy them or blast them, then why do they buy it?

Bill: Oh! usually they go to Florida or come here to Alabama to use them, so they pick them up here, on the way from Tennessee to Florida.

Now this got me so confused that I decided screw all this, I’ll just go to the Indian restaurant and eat my way through. So I’m on my way there and then I get a call on my phone. It’s my project team mates wondering why their “Chief Engineer” is missing from the conference. So back to that World War II bunker that they call the lab then. And then the bloody conference went on for two days straight (8am to 8 pm).

So that was my diwali at Uncle Sam’s Place.

References:
1. Kreiger R., Doors The, Light My Fire, The Doors, Elektra Records, Circa 1967 a.d.
2. My friend, Circa November 7, 2007 A.D.
3. Georgia State Law

• a. 25-10 Georgia Code, Chapter 10
  
• b. NFPA 1123 adopted with modifications
  
• c. NFPA 1124 adopted with modifications
  
• d. NFPA 1126 adopted with modifications